Jim, this may be too serious for you to handle, but I'd like to at least try. I'm almost retired, but even at my age I'm having a hard time learning how to forgive someone at work who really hurt me. I'm even thinking of taking early retirement because of it. I know he probably didn't mean to, but still... Any advice?
You're right. This is serious. Very serious. You are right to try to deal with it.
Right off the bat, let me encourage to take this up with whomever the appropriate staff person is at your job. You didn't supply any details about the size of your work staff and the number of employees surrounding you. You didn't tell me whether or not you have a good personnel department, but if you do, that's the place to start. Most contemporary businesses have a firm policy in place to handle things like this. Use it!
Second, if that isn't possible, is there a good counselor, clergy or therapist with whom you can schedule an appointment? Ask some friends if you don't have any contacts.
Now, to your question. Without knowing any more details than you supplied (and I understand how difficult this must be to talk about!) let me share a broad approach that I hope will help.
The reason I'm moved to answer you in this way is because of one phrase you used. You said, "I know he probably didn't mean it." Those are words that set off alarm bells. I've heard them many times in cases of abuse. "He didn't mean to hurt me - She didn't mean what she said." Generally speaking, people mean what they do and say at the time of the objectionable action or the moment when the words are said. Then, after they have even a moment to think about it, they "apologize" by saying, "Just kidding," or, "I didn't mean anything by it." It doesn't always work this way. Sometimes we really do act or speak inadvertantly. But when you tell me that someone "really hurt you," I'm drawn to suspect the worst.
You ask how you can "learn to forgive." Maybe this will help. Forgiveness is wonderful. It's important. To pardon someone, which forgiveness really is, is a noble thing. But remember this. There can be no issuance of pardon unless someone is first declared guilty. Even in a court of law, pardon follows a guilty verdict. A pardon doesn't mean the accused is innocent of the crime because "they didn't mean it." It means the person is guilty but forgiven of the crime. Never forget that. The crime still stands. It's on the books. But so is the pardon.
In order for you to really forgive the person involved, either the guilty person has to confess that they hurt you, or you have to acknowledge, even if only to yourself, that the person "really hurt you." Unless you acknowledge the act, any attempt to forgive will be only a matter of kidding yourself.
This isn't just a matter of legality. In most religious traditions we find that confession of sin comes before forgiveness of sin. My advice for you is to take some time alone and really be honest with yourself. Did this person really mean to hurt you, even if only for a minute? If you are able, tell the person to his face and see what happens. If you can't do that, or if you can't find someone in authority to do it with you, at least have your own private court session. Determine guilt or innocence. Don't slide by with, "I know he didn't mean it." Maybe that's the case. If so, than real forgiveness will come easily. But if he meant to hurt you, you have to declare him guilty, at least in your mind and heart, before you can even attempt real forgiveness.
Please let me know how things come out. I'd hate to think that this act, whatever it was, would force you into retirement if you're not ready yet. I'm rooting for you!